It was 1998 (whew, that sounds so long ago…).

I was standing in the feminine products aisle at Target. And I just crumbled, a puddle of tears right there in front of the tampons.

There were too many choices, so many options. Branded ones. Generic ones. Different price points. Sale prices.

The store so big. The lights so bright. The shelves so tall. The space between shelves so wide. The space between customers so distant.

Such a different world.

Just a week later, I would find myself catching my breath and swallowing tears in the bathroom of the restaurant where a family birthday party was being hosted.

The tables were filled with food, buffet style. The clanking of the huge glasses filled with unlimited refills on drinks is a sound I still remember.

And then, as dinner came to completion, I watched in horror as massive amount of uneaten food was dumped efficiently from the tables into enormous trash bins.

I personally knew way too many people living in hunger at the time to be able to stomach the waste.

I’d just returned to the United States after two full years in post-war El Salvador, living mostly out of a backpack as I transitioned every few days between the communities where I worked.

The NGOs I collaborated with were focused on reconstruction and development, serving communities of ex-combatants and ex-refugees.

I was surrounded by extreme poverty, unspeakable loss and post-war trauma, everywhere I walked.

I was also surrounded by vibrant humans with incredible inner resources working hard to rebuild their communities and country, and I was honored and proud to be working alongside them.

And all of this, the hard and the beautiful, had changed me.

And changed my lens on the world.

I was back in the US for a month-long visit with family and friends before heading back for another multiple-year stay in El Salvador.

It was a temporary re-entry, to the place that had always been home.

Yet this visit left me feeling like I was in a foreign land.

A land where I spoke the language and the words registered in my brain, but I couldn’t make sense of the customs, the culture, the supersized everything, the clinking glasses, the wasted food, the distance between humans – the ways that had previously been familiar and unconscious that had ceased to be so.

In El Salvador, my initial shock at, and recognition of, all that was hard and beautiful had been replaced by a sense of familiarity, competence, knowing.

I’d learned to function, move, eat, work and BE, in that Central American world. My new norm.

Yet, in the world I'd always known, I'd lost that sense of familiarity and competence.

And here we are in 2021, dancing with some form of a collective re-entry (or learning how to navigate in new ways).

Our initial shock of lockdown and life turned upside down and transformed was replaced by a sense of familiarity and competence after the months dragged on.

It’s been hard in some ways, beautiful in others.

After a long period of lockdown, and slowing down, we’ve learned to do life, work, school, parenting, food, and social connection, differently.

For some, re-entry signals a joyous moment that means freedom and emergence.

For some, going back into the world with a level of uncertainty is anxiety-provoking and even a bit terrifying.

And there is the grief. Acknowledgment of the losses, on so many fronts. The visible ones and the invisible ones.

For most, it’s a shift from a new world we entered last March that eventually became somewhat familiar, our new norm. And we’re making our way “back” into a world we thought we knew, but one that has been changed in significant ways.

Changed by a global pandemic, new eyes on injustice, waves of civil unrest, big societal shifts, environmental shifts.

Changed by our perception – because we SEE our world differently now.

We see the beautiful parts and the less beautiful parts. The parts that need changing and the parts that need a complete renovation – in our individual and collective lives.

We see what used to make sense and now doesn’t.

And WE are changed.

To go into a space of quiet, to turn inward, to see what we’ve not been able to see before in our busy, bustling lives, is a tremendous gift.

In my THRIVE program, we’ve been doing this work of finding inner stillness, getting quiet inside, listening for and witnessing what’s there that wants our attention and wants to be seen, heard, and healed.

In that space, participants are seeing parts of themselves that have been begging to be seen.

Parts that want healing.

Parts that want a place at the table, a voice.

Parts that are saying, “no, I’ve had enough!” and other parts that are shouting “yes!”

As we recently did what I call my “Yes/ No” practice, where we tune into our body awareness of what is a “yes” and what is a “no”, one woman commented on how huge it was for her to actually tune in to her “yes” and “no”.

She was excited to recognize that her body actually knew how to give her the signals, just that she hadn’t been listening. And now that she’s listening, she's proceeded to make some big life decisions that she could weigh with a whole new level of wisdom, understanding and confidence.

She is remembering how to thrive as she tunes in and follows her own internal cues.

In this last year and a half, whether we’ve done it intentionally or not, we’ve been given this opportunity to slow down, to see things differently, to turn inward, to look at what wants our attention and what needs shifting, to inquire what is our “yes” and our “no” – within each of us individually and within our collective humanity.

May we recognize that all in this window of time we’ve been walking through, the hard and the beautiful, has changed us. And changed our lens on the world.

And as we do our re-entry, into a world that has always been home, and yet in some ways may now feel like a foreign land, for all the ways it (and we) have changed… may we…

Re-enter consciously back into our world,

Remember how to SLOW down, even as our world begins to speed up again,

Remember to seek stillness where we can see and hear what needs shifting and healing – within and around us,

Listen to the messages we hear within and around us, and respond in action – or, if needed, respond in rest,

Remember and integrate the gifts of these times of turning inward,

Remember that we all need to go at our own rhythm of integration and re-entry, that our nervous systems adapt in different rhythms, and

Hold each other well, with kindness and compassion, as we navigate these times and spaces.

The more we tune in and listen to what's stirring inside of us, the more we find stillness and calm our nervous systems, the more deeply we integrate the gifts, the better we can do re-entry. And service. And work. And family. And the better we can contribute to the world.

I want to remind you, the world needs you well.

And if you’re still in lockdown, wherever you are in the world, may you find peace and ease, stillness and quiet, health and joy, as much as possible.

Upcoming Retreat:

If you’re interested in walking back into the world and doing re-entry consciously, and connecting in community, I’m offering a virtual (Zoom) retreat soon. We'll focus on Exploring Re-Entry - Finding Ease and Navigating from Your Center, where we explore the gifts of these times and how to use them as we go forward, use our inner awareness as a compass, and look at how to integrate the learning as we walk back into the world.

Send me a quick email if you’re interested in this, so I can be sure to let you know as soon as the date is finalized. I’ll send out more information on this soon.

And wherever you are, and whatever you’re moving through right now, I wish you many blessings and much love.

In love and stillness,

Kelly

p.s. I’d love to hear from you. How does re-entry feel for you? What feels changed within you as we enter this next phase? And what will you shift going forward? Tell me.

Kelly Lubeck, MPH, RYT