You’re right handed, aren’t you? (a reflection on our patterns)
My new dentist peered into my open mouth, her blinding headlamp directing her gaze. She poked around with her instruments, finished her eval, removed her gloves, and then said, “you’re right handed, aren’t you?”
I was surprised and curious. How did she have any idea that my right hand was dominant? What signal in my mouth was telling her which hand I used more?
(Right away I began thinking about my study of the brain and nervous system and wondered if somehow my mouth was shaped differently on one side, giving clues to brain hemisphere dominance.)
She’d looked in and had been able to read the signs in my mouth to tell her information about my body and my behavior.
I confirmed, and then asked, “how did you know that?”
She gave the basic explanation of her interpretation, which was simply that the left side of my gums and teeth were more scrubbed, the gums were a little more receded and evidently my left side was the recipient (or victim) of stronger brushing.
I was impressed – she’d found a pattern of my brushing tendencies, by her simple observation.
Patterns and the different lens through which we view them
And this got me thinking about patterns.
I remembered how in my yoga teacher training and after, I could see patterns in my students that informed me about what was constricted and what was open in their bodies.
Out in the city, and on the subway, I would see patterns of posture in different bodies, could spot misalignment and gait differences in humans.
It was fascinating. A whole different way of organizing my seeing of the world.
In another moment, after my MPH studies and years working in the field, I was able to see patterns of access, engagement, justice and injustice in the delivery of health services and programs.
After living in El Salvador, I was able to quickly identify community-level public health programmatic challenges through a justice and structural lens.
During and after my shamanic studies, I could spot the patterns in people’s ways of responding to other humans, or to crisis, or to perceived threat. These patterns of behavior that get woven into a nervous system and then shape the way that humans respond, and the health and mental health issues that can arise.
In integrating this healing work with my study of the nervous system, I was able to see how people get locked into a state of fight, freeze or flight (often very functional), even though they may desperately want to move forward on something they care deeply about.
In our nervous systems, there are patterns that are easily discernible for how people respond to stressors, or life changes, or growth, or healing, work challenges, family challenges, endings and beginnings, etc.
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Recently, one of my beloved clients remarked on how she was in a state of not having something "to work on," but something to look forward to. She said, “it’s funny, I’m not bringing challenges to my session today – we’ve done so much work. I’m actually starting to look forward to what’s next!”
She couldn’t have imagined that 6 months ago, but she’s done such deep work on her own pattern recognition and establishing new patterns and ways of engaging with work, and other humans, and herself (including daily rhythms of self-care and boundaries in her work and life), that she was able to get out of survival mode and explore what it means to thrive.
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Our human patterns - why does this matter?
I love the study of patterns in humans. And I'd love you to dive in with me for a moment - because you might find this interesting, too.
What I’ve found is that understanding patterns helps me to be a better practitioner and human who can support healing in others.
When I work with clients and students, I help them to view their own patterns and how these patterns influence the choices they make, the healing they do, the relations they keep, the ways they are courageous or contracted. The ways they engage in joy or despair.
Nervous system responses from early on get woven into patterns of behavior. Those patterns of behavior, of relating, of engaging in the world, tell a story of a person’s history.
As we learn to identify the patterns, we can see where they’ve come from and then encourage their healing, so we can shift the energetic imprinting of the person living the patterns, and the ways that they express in the world.
As we do this, we can find ways to bring greater ease to the nervous system and re-wire the brain’s patterning. This then helps to grow capacity for healing and living in a way that supports growth.
And with this, people can then bring a vision to life.
Want support navigating and shifting patterns so you can move toward what you're really wanting?
If you’d like some one-to-one coaching exploring your own patterns, or looking at how they are getting in the way of what you want for your health, career, relationships and life expression, please reach out.
Our nervous systems are wise. They create patterns that determine how we function and relate to others, the world and ourselves.
If you're feeling ready to shift these patterns and move toward thriving, let's explore together if we're a fit to do the deeper work to get you there.
Invitation to Pause and Reflect
If you'd like to take a pause and begin the process on your own, here are a few questions for your reflection.
I invite you to take 10-15 min (or more, if you like) to reflect and/ or journal on this.
What's one pattern you notice in yourself? (Maybe it's in habitually overworking, neglecting your own self-care, lifestyle choices that aren't aligned with the healthy version of you that you want, or denying your needs for your kids, or "the cause.")
When did this pattern first emerge for you?
When you check in with this pattern, what would you like to shift?
What would open up in your life, health, relationships, etc. if you were to change it?
What kind of support and what do you need to put in place to make that shift happen?
I'd love to hear from you - what did you notice in doing this process?
As always, this is an invitation to reflect with self-compassion and self-kindness (no need for judgment - we all have our patterns - every single one of us...).
And please, if you are wanting some support, reach out to a trusted friend, partner, or helping professional to accompany and help you in the process.
Whether your dentist tells you which hand is your dominant one or not, I invite you to notice the patterns that arise within you, patterns in your relationships, patterns in your work, and patterns in your parenting.
Then ask yourself what wants shifting for you to be the best expression of you out in the world.
Here's what I know...
The more conscious we are of our patterns, the more we can heal and shift them.
Learning to recognize our patterns, honor them, heal them and shift them is where the magic is. This takes practice, and commitment.
The more conscious we are of how we walk in the world, the greater our capacity to serve, teach, parent, caregive, heal and bring hope to the world.
(Your people, patients, projects, clients, children, students, family and other dear people all benefit from it...)
The greater your capacity, the more you can serve in the world.
The world needs you well.
With love and many blessings,
Kelly
P.S. Mothers/ mamas/ caregivers, stay tuned for a super special invite coming up in in the month of May.