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Full-bodied grief

I remember peering through the trees, seeing hundreds of people dressed in beautiful clothing, garments of black and brown.

I could hear the sounds of their wailing and singing, and almost feel the ground vibrate as they stomped and danced.

My Public Health practicum was in the small town of Juaben, in the Ashanti region of Ghana.

This was one of multiple Ghanian funerals I witnessed from afar – and it left me wondering, what would it be like to grieve, to express loss, in this way?

Uninhibited expression for nervous system release

It called to me, this way of grieving.

There was something powerful and moving about watching them sing, dance, and wail, uninhibited.

Somehow, it made sense in my body, even though it wasn’t how I was taught to grieve or express pain.

And I didn't know how to express in such uninhibited ways.

An expression of care and respect for the deceased, yes. And also a helpful process for healing.

There was also something powerful about witnessing them grieve in community, where – in my research and my practice and teaching over the years – I’ve seen again and again that deep healing is even more accessible in collective.

I was struck by how the community members appeared after the ceremony. They weren’t keeping it together, choking back tears, smiling stiffly, or pretending to be ok.

They’d allowed those emotions and nervous system responses to release through their body, through movement, tears, song and sound.

So afterwards they could eat their stew and fufu, dialogue enthusiastically and celebrate life, with a freedom of spirit that was moving.

What might open up if we allowed this?

I’ve been reflecting on this recently – what it is to grieve with our whole being, to allow its fullest expression, so nothing gets stuck.

What might open up for us – individually and collectively – if we were to allow this expression out and through?

There’s a lot of grief moving through our individual bodies and the collective body right now.

Whether it’s personal grief, collective grief, ecological/ environmental grief, there’s a lot that’s being felt.

(Or being stored away instead of felt, depending on whether or not you express it and how.)

How does it look for you? Are you feeling it?

With my clients and in classes, when we do nervous system healing work, I remind people how essential it is to move their bodies.

Moving our bodies allows for stored survival stress to release.

When we release stored survival stress, we don't have to walk around using up vital energy to keep it tucked away and ensuring it doesn’t leak out unexpectedly.

Let’s practice.

There are lots of ways to do release in the nervous system, but let's start with something basic and easy.

Give me 3 minutes.

We’ll make it simple, short, and doable.

First, let’s acknowledge that there’s a lot being felt right now.

Second, choose your medicine.

You can simply dance.

You can shake and wiggle.

You can even just walk or run.

Or maybe you want to be more primal and crawl around like a wild cat.

(You can do this in more advanced ways by deeply attuning to the body and listening and feeling for the movement it wants to make – we’ll go there another day.)

For now, notice what's there.

It might look like grief, or sadness, or fear, or anxiety, even anger or grumpiness.

Whatever it is, give yourself permission to FEEL it.

Then, checking in with your body, do your movement.

Inviting you to take just 3 minutes. Whatever your body is asking for.

Choose your level.

Of course, if you need, and it’s available in the space you’re in, a good cry and maybe wailing will aid in the release.

You decide how much to do today. Movement heals, you decide how much.

Be so gentle and self-compassionate with yourself - and reach out to someone in your community if you need some extra care.

I’d love to hear how this goes for you and how the message lands.

Wondering if it's worth it to take the pause?

Here's what I know:

You move, it is one piece that helps you heal. You do deeper healing work, you can access greater healing. You access greater healing, you can do more of what you're here to do, and you can do it better.

Healed people help heal other people. And that ripples out.

(And wow, does that world need that right now...)

The world needs you well.

Take good care of you, dear one, especially in these times.

With love and many blessings,

Kelly

P.S. More to come. One other note, for those of you with kids or who have children in your world...

Giving kids permission to do this is also powerful. Let’s teach them to move, express, release, and not store what’s coming up. They're feeling all the feels in this world right now, too.

When they learn to release in the safe presence of another, they learn they can release and stay safe with what's felt. And that’s good for all of them, and all of us…

Kelly Lubeck, MPH, RYT